Wednesday. 7.4.07 8:48 am
Well things are going amazing. I'm happy. TICKLED. IN LOVE.
Someone from my past is making me very happy.
Other things are just going right.
Its the fourth and I need to go to the store.
We're throwing an awesome get together today.
Gotta love it when you love your neighbors!!!!!!
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Tuesday. 6.26.07 10:43 am
Things are going sooooo goood.
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Occassionally I FUCKING LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing is better than quality time with good friends and close family. Threw a bbq today at the spur of a moment... FUCKING BLAST.
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I HATE HER... She has him.
And I should be able to let go of my past but I don't want to.
totally off the previous subject.
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I hate the way he makes me feel all safe and warm inside. I can't stand how time flies by when we are close. I hate the eggshells I have to walk on. I hate wanting to feel like the only woman in his life and knowing I'll never be that. I dispise that I feel like "the other woman" when I know I'm not the only one. I feel hapless and helpless but worse I feel lost.
A piece of me walked out the door and I want it back because I dont' think I'm cut out for this situation.
I hate wanting to be the one who makes him feel right and knowing that I do but knowing that even though I do I don't.
I want to forget. I don't want to want him.
I want to let go. I don't want to need him.
I want to forget his touch. His kiss. And how it felt when he told me I was beautiful.
LET ME LET GO BEFORE I BREAK MY OWN HEART COS IT'S COMING.
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I should be around more often now. I have a new computer. Things that are new for me are random and more life events for my kids than anything. hey are getting so big anymore I can't believe that Kahli's 6 and Rick's 4 I'm old and they are growing up.
I'll actually blog later should have blogged earlier when people were pissing me off.
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